250818

 I keep telling myself, “I need to find my true identity. I need to discover what I love to do.”

But the truth is, I don’t really know how to do that.

People say, “Just try something,” but I’m left wondering—what exactly should I try?
Am I just being lazy?
Or maybe it’s simply the way I’m wired.

Still, I’ve started to put myself first, and because of that, I hold on to the hope that change will come.

250816

 

I want to try morning pages, but honestly, writing by hand feels like such a hassle.
My hand can’t keep up with my thoughts, and I end up losing track of what I really want to say.

So what should I even write in morning pages?
If I think about it, what I’m writing right now is already a kind of morning page.
Maybe I should buy The Artist’s Way.

When I type, I also notice that I press the spacebar almost out of habit, and sometimes my words don’t even come out fully.

I know in my head that I should wake up early, but my body resists.
I just like being comfortable.
But then I wonder—do I really deserve that comfort?
What even gives someone the “right” to it?
Who decides that—me, or society?

Maybe I can justify it by saying, “Well, it’s the weekend.”

Sometimes when I stretch after waking up, I even end up with muscle pain from that posture.

That’s it for today.
For a first day, I think I did okay.
Though honestly, writing for a long time about one thing does feel a little stressful.

250814

 A space to write with complete honesty — but when I try to show only a polished version of myself, I can’t seem to write anything at all.

This is why time has passed since I created my blog without posting anything. From now on, I’ll just share the stories in my heart as honestly as I can.

250808

 Today, I got a coupon for a free sample from a drugstore.

Since there’s a branch just around the corner, my first thought was, “I should go get it right now.”

But then I stopped and asked myself—
Is this sample really important enough to interrupt my day?
Not really.

So why was I so ready to drop everything and go?
Maybe because it came as a “special” message on KakaoTalk, paired with the lure of getting something for free.

But do I truly need it?
No.
Is it worth going out just for that?
No.

So I decided—if I happen to go out later, I’ll stop by and see if it’s still there.
If not, that’s fine too.
It’s nothing life-changing.

Because I come first.
My life comes first.